Top 5 Worst Sequels: "Pirates 2 & 3" - tie

The entire world adored the second and third "Pirates of the Caribbean" flicks, if box office receipts are the final arbiter. But man, I'd rather watch C-Span in slow motion than sit through these two films again.

Years from now, film historians will make students study "Dead Man's Chest" and "At World's End" as classic examples of sequel bloat. Both films threw tons of cash down the drain to bring us the most spectacular sets and stunts imaginable, and it all went for naught. Who could follow scene A to scene B? I sure couldn't. Characterization flew out the window, too, alongside logic and reason. We were left with Johnny Depp prancing around in a pale imitation of Jack Sparrow's hi jinks from the first installment.

Just mentally revisiting these two films makes me want to cleanse my palate with a Steven Spielberg epic, the kind of film where you can sense the affection for the medium in every frame. The two "Pirates" features felt like they came off a conveyor belt at the Summer Blockbuster Machine.