'Live from New York ...'

My earliest "Saturday Night Live " memories are of sleeping through the late-night show. It's not what you think.

I had a hard time staying up late as a young boy, but I desperately wanted to watch "Saturday Night Live" each week. Back then, I was all about the clay figure Mr. Bill. The show's sophisticated political humor went way over my head.

I would beg my Mom to wake me if I fell asleep before 11:30 p.m. Most times, she let me go right on sleeping. Something about me needing the shut-eye, I suppose.

Those memories came back to me when talking to "SNL" creator Lorne Michaels yesterday for an online exclusive at The Washington Times. Michaels was unusually animated, eager to chat about his show's political humor during this presidential season.

Shot for shot

If "Funny Games" feels familiar when it opens March 14, give yourself some indie bonus points. The upcoming film is a shot-for-shot remake of a 1997 feature of the same name ... by the same director, Austrian auteur Michael Haneke.

The film stars Naomi Watts and Tim Roth as a couple kidnapped by a pair of blue-blooded thugs.

Film studios are so sure U.S. audiences don't so much as peek at foreign films that they remake relatively new ones hoping to form a crowd. The same holds true for "The Lives of Others," the award-winning 2006 film currently being remade for stateside audiences.

Subtitles, apparently, are Kryptonite to American audiences.

(Photo: Naomi Watts has plenty to cry about in the forthcoming "Funny Games.")

Air ball

On screen, it's clear Will Ferrell's best-known characters are lazy. How else to explain the doughy physiques, the schlumpy appearances?

But his new sports comedy "Semi-Pro" is a different kind of lazy. The comedy, opening today (Feb. 29), doesn't get its hands dirty with funny situations or clever verbiage. Instead, it lets Ferrell talk like a sailor for every strained laugh.

My Washington Times review breaks down the comic failures. "Semi-Pro" did make me laugh, but the film's imagination gets tapped out in the opening minutes when we learn how Ferrell's character segued from one-hit wonder to franchise owner.

(Photo: Will Ferrell is the Flint, Mich. Tropics power forward and owner in "Semi-Pro.")

Anything but cursed

You see, you can make children’s movies which don’t pander to the kiddie set.

“Penelope,” opening tomorrow (Feb. 29), will charm audiences of all ages, even if its message about accepting one’s shortcomings will hit home hardest among the ‘tween set.

It starts with the title card “Once Upon a Time,” and the convoluted setup could only come from the land of make believe. The film stars Christina Ricci as a young woman with a pig’s snout for a nose. It’s a long story -- all based on a generational curse which caught up with poor Penelope. She’s kept hidden from public view by her upper-crust parents (Catherine O’Hara and Richard E. Grant) who see her deformity as a stain on their character.

But all isn’t lost. Should Penelope marry the proper blue-blooded gent, the curse will be lifted. Or so we’re told.

But every suitor who sees her runs away as fast as his legs will carry him. Enter Max (James McAvoy) a fallen rich kid who needs a quick buck. A devious reporter (Peter Dinklage) and one of the aforementioned suitors exploit his financial bind for their own separate needs.

The film’s themes of acceptance are as plain as the snout on Penelope’s face, but the story also takes time for less obvious lessons. Simply casting Dinklage in a role which in no way alludes to his height is but one of many reasons to savor the movie.

The cast lives up to the execution, from the excellent McAvoy to Reese Witherspoon (who co-produced the film) as Penelope's pal. But Witherspoon has nothing on Ricci. The petite actress was a naked, writhing sexaholic in last year’s “Black Snake Moan.” Now, she’s starring as a pig-faced girl wrestling with identity issues. Talk about range.

"Penelope's" sense of time and place is purposely blurred, all the better to heighten the sense of whimsy. But the woes facing Penelope are very real, and most audiences will relate to them in some fashion. I know the film struck a chord with me.

Another glimpse of 'Doomsday'

One more pic to share with you from the upcoming film "Doomsday." I do so out of sincere love for the director's last film, "The Descent." I hope the goodwill he stirred in me with that film continues March 14, when "Doomsday" hits theaters.

The real McAvoy

Movie stars aren't a dime a dozen, even if dozens of actors work 'round the clock in Hollywood. Kevin Kline? Movie star. Keanu Reeves? Not quite. Jodie Foster? Yup. Add James McAvoy to this exclusive club.

McAvoy is the real deal, a versatile performer whose expressive face makes him fascinating to watch even in thinly realized roles, like the one he has in the new film "Penelope."

He first caught my attention in the flawed but fascinating "The Last King of Scotland," and he was just as terrific in the overrated "Atonement." But watching "Penelope," which opens tomorrow, confirmed my early assessments. He's a bona fide star.

(Photo: James McAvoy co-stars in the new comic fable "Penelope" - pic by Nick Wall)

HDTV 101

TV shouldn't be as complicated as HDTV is.
Before I bought my 40-inch LCD set, I researched the heck out of available HDTVs and pored over every article I could find on the subject. I also successfully pitched two HDTV-themed stories for The Washington Times so I could get up to speed on the topic. I still felt lost.

This weekend I'll be posting a primer on HDTV, an article with the basics about the format and some helpful links for those thinking about making the HDTV plunge.
I can't say enough about HDTV -- both the clarity and widescreen ratio make it unbeatable. But it sure is confusing.

'I need a large polo mallet'

This hasn't happened to me in a while.
Caught a screening of the upcoming film "Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day" tonight, and I sat next to the most odious couple imaginable. They didn't smell. They reeked of ignorance and poor manners.

First, they chatted right through the trailer. Then, they fell into their annoying pattern of repeating things said by the main characters, chortling at every comic line as if they had a feather tickling their feet. Then they would start chatting amongst themselves as if they were in their living room, not a public hall where people are trying to watch a movie.

They weren't kids, either. They were an older couple who should ... know ... better. So what's a movie lover to do? They jabbered just infrequently enough where I thought every last bit of blather would be their last. Wrong-o.

P.S. - Blog title comes from "Annie Hall," when Alvy Singer comes across two "fans" on the street one day.

'Night' and day

"We should have come here ages ago," says one vampire to another in the new horror film "30 Days of Night."

The first line of my "Night" review in The Washington Times should have said it all. But the film, out today on DVD, couldn't carry through on its premise. Here's the rest of my review:

"Here" is Alaska, and the bloodsucker has a point. What's taken Hollywood so long to set a vampire movie in a state with an entire month of darkness? And why did it take a graphic novel to supply the idea? The ingenuity behind "Night" doesn't stop with the setting. These vampires are cunning and fleet of foot, far meaner than Bela Lugosi in that billowing cape. And the peculiar culture of the Alaskan town makes the action more interesting than had we been invited into another haunted house.

But after ringing some clever new changes on the vampire theme, "30 Days of Night" ultimately falls back, hard, on familiar horror tropes. "Night" opens with the sun fading in a small Alaskan town where night reigns for a whole month this time of year. Most residents have fled for sunnier climes, but Sheriff Eben (Josh Hartnett) is still working the beat. He knows how to handle the terrain, day or night. In fact, he and his neighbors take pride in their ability to endure the elements.

Trouble begins just as the first of 30 nights falls. A group of sled dogs is slaughtered, and then power throughout the region goes out. A pack of vampires has descended on the town, though we never learn where they came from or why they chose this moment to strike. (The source material offers better details on both fronts.) Still, "Night" grabs us by the throat.

The vampires provide a relentless enemy, and the overcaffeinated score is as unsettling as the vampires' blood-smeared grins. And bravo to Ben Foster for adding to the suffocating sense of doom. His twitchy performance as a wannabe vampire is just plain creepy. Once our heroes get cornered, the vampires suddenly become easier to defeat. It's a common flaw in modern horror films — establish the monster as all but unstoppable, then let the heroes find a way to defeat them that defies the established logic.

"Night" comes on the heels of other comic book/graphic novel adaptations, like "300" and "Sin City." Those films delivered stark visuals, gray and white compositions that could be hung in a gallery. But director David Slade quickly loses interest in his canvas. His sole inspired shot, and it's a stunner, presents a bird's-eye view of the vampires streaming through the town chasing down their hopelessly slow-footed human prey. The vampire film gets made over more times than Madonna — too bad "30 Days of Night" doesn't have the ambition to pump the genre up with all-new blood.

Laughs 'at a Funeral'

Screwball farce is not my forte. Zombies? Sure. Dark, complex Coen brothers epics? Youbetcha. But those zany comedies with mistaken identities and drawing room humor often leave me cold.
But "Death at a Funeral" has elements of farce without alienating folks like me.

"Funeral," from director Frank Oz a.k.a. Fozzie Bear, follows a group of English mourners reflecting on the life of a loved one. But all isn't well with this crowd. Daniel (Matthew Macfadyen) just wants his late father's funeral to go off without a hitch. But when the wrong body is brought to the scene of the funeral, he knows it's going to be one of those days.

Daniel is slated to offer a toast to his father, but everyone at the funeral wants his brother (Rupert Graves), the published author, to do the honors.
But that conflict gets pushed aside when a random stranger (the great Peter Dinklage) appears on the scene and reveals his connection to the deceased.

It all takes a while to simmer, frankly, and there's no monster laughs that make the wait understandable. But it's clever, well crafted and adroitly acted. Plus, we get a crazed turn by Alan Tudyk as a mourner who took the wrong medication before the proceedings. Tudyk stood out in a small but great role in "Knocked Up," and while his character is way too over the top here, the actor displays some considerable comic chops. Give him more work and let's see what he can do.

"Death at a Funeral" didn't make much noise during its theatrical run, and the lack of star power may doom it on DVD. But even those allergic to farce might find themselves engaged by this "Funeral."
(Photo: and Daily Donavan and Kris Marshall fret over the events in "Death at a Funeral")

Everybody hates Uwe

If people didn't despise director Uwe Boll before, they will now.
The German director, unceremoniously referred to as the worst auteur on the scene for movies like "BloodRayne" and "Alone in the Dark," has a scene in his next movie, "Postal," in which President George W. Bush is more than just friends with Osama bin Laden.

That's according to what Boll told a GQ reporter in a piece in the March 2008 issue - bravo to the fine folks at Jiffy Lube for stocking their waiting room with up-to-date mags.
It's hard to be shocked by Boll's shenanigans. At this point, it's clear he's hungry for attention and has shown zero artistic growth in recent years.

Confession: I've only seen two Boll epics -- "Alone in the Dark" and "House of the Dead," but the uniformity of bad reviews for his latest projects gives me the confidence to make such a statement.

Not sure when, or if, "Postal," will get a U.S. release date. Some early reviews have been posted on various sites, but there's a chance the film we eventually see in the U.S. will look a bit different.
Why? Check out this clip from the movie.

Offensive cinema

File this in the too-good-to-pass-up dept.
The great Libertas is tracking a casting smackdown in the 'burgh, a.k.a. the Steel City.
Some groups, it seems, are fair game for stereotyping.

Hulk mad ... at marketing division

Where, o where is the Incredible Hulk?
"Cloverfield's" studio snuck peeks at its picture months before its debut, sparking a maelstrom of marketing buzz for movie fans.
And while we've already seen this summer's "Iron Man" streaking through the sky in numerous trailers, the same can't be said of his big, green peer.

Check out "The Incredible Hulk's" Web site. Two images and a bare bones story breakdown. That's all. Comic Book Nation needs more than that to get excited over.
Could we have a bust on our hands? The cast sure tells me otherwise - Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, William Hurt and Tim Roth. That's quality. And Norton, one of Hollywood's brightest talents, helped pen the script.

Perhaps they're trying to play up the mystery of what Hulk 2.0 will look like. But "Cloverfield" did it right by offering tantalizing glimpses of the creature, or at least what the creature is capable of doing.
Given how competitive the Summer '08 movie season will be, the minds behind "The Incredible Hulk" better have an ace or two up their sleeves or their film will get lost in the popcorn shuffle.

Kimmel calls in ALL his favors

Just how deep is Jimmy Kimmel's rolodex?
Find out here: (hat tip: Thompson on Hollywood)
It's the late night host's response to his girlfriend's video declaring her carnal knowledge of Matt Damon.
This is what started it all.

Countdown to 'Doomsday'

A gaggle of pictures from the upcoming thriller "Doomsday" hit the press wires today. Here's one that caught my eye. "Doomsday" is from Neil Marshall, the man who gave us the brilliant horror film "The Descent." The trailer for "Doomsday" caught me flat footed in all the wrong ways. But I'll cross my fingers and hope the film's March 14 release will make amends.
(Photo: A just-released still from the upcoming thriller "Doomsday")

'Hell-ooooooooooo!"

Robin Williams in drag? As a British nanny? How could it miss?
Sure enough, 1993's "Mrs. Doubtfire" proved to be one of that year's biggest hits. I wasn't among those enthralled by the picture. A little Williams can go a long way. But watching it anew gave me a different perspective on the film. Check out my review of "Mrs. Doubtfire: The Behind the Seams Edition" over at Donne Tempo. The re-release hits DVD shelves next Tuesday (March 4).

A musical interlude

Forgive an off-site, off-topic plug, but it involves a book that's worth parking on your nightstand. I wrote a Q&A with author Jonathan Gould ("Can't Buy Me Love") last week for Donne Tempo, an online women's magazine. Gould's book is a stunner, proof positive that not everything has been written about the Beatles phenomena. His answers were as compelling as the book's text. I ran out and bought "Revolver" and "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" after finishing the book -- my last copy of "Revolver" was on 8-track so I was due for an upgrade. If you have so much as a passing interest in all things Ringo and co., get yourself a copy of "Can't Buy Me Love."

And the Oscar doesn't go to ...

This year's Oscar telecast turned out to be the lowest rated in its history -or, rather, recorded history. Ratings for the big show first started coming in in 1974. No big surprises there. Ratings have been decling for years, and the lack of blockbuster films in the nomination pool meant fewer people were invested in who won.
The Oscar producers did what they could to draw a crowd, trying to appease those darn flyover states to no avail. Check out my recap here at FrontPage Magazine.

Ditch diggers wanted

Why didn't George Lucas put an ad on www.craigslist.org and save a bundle of money?
Wanted: Ditch digger. Must like blue screens and Comic-Cons. Handsome face a plus.
The Galley Slaves blog points us to a revealing interview in The Washington Post with Hayden "Darth" Christensen about his time working under the "Star Wars" mastermind.
The whole interview is here, but this is the money paragraph:

"George came up to me on the set one day during my first 'Star Wars' and said something that I never fully understood until after we were done filming. He said, 'As an actor, you have to think of yourself as a ditch digger.' . . . What he was implying was that on his movie, I needed to think of myself as a ditch digger, because it wasn't the proper arena for actual creative expression.

Do yourself a favor and read it all. Makes me feel badly for critiquing his recent performances. Clearly, he had the worst possible teacher at a very impressionable age.

The Oscar hangover

The death of Oscar's commercial clout may be premature. Visit Amazon's Movers & Shakers DVD page today and see some Oscar winners climbing up the sales chart. Take "Once," which saw its DVD sales jump 766 percent the day (as of 2:10 EST) after winning for Best Original Song. And pre-orders for "There Will Be Blood" got goosed by 263 percent based on its Oscar win for Best Actor (Daniel Day-Lewis). But the big early winner is "La Vie en Rose," which climbed 1,700 percent thanks to Oscar's good graces (Marion Cotillard won for Best Actress).

(Photo: Marion Cotillard stars as Edith Piaf in "La Vie en Rose")

Not too 'Smart'

I understand why some award show presenters pair up to pitch an upcoming project. I don't like it, but I get it. But can't the Oscars be an ad-free zone? Last night, the great Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway teamed up to present an award, and they walked to the podium while the "Get Smart" theme music played in the background. Carell plays Maxwell Smart in the forthcoming sitcom reboot, and Hathaway is Agent 99. The segment smacked of opportunism, and frankly the chemistry on display between the two didn't make me anxious to see the movie. But the '60s "Get Smart" was a terrific sitcom, and Carell's at the top of his game right now, so I'll hold out some hope.

(Photo: Anne Hathaway and Steve Carell are on the run in "Get Smart")

Oscar, Oscar

Missed the show last night? Catch the bullet points here.
My take? Too long, but what else is new. Jon Stewart improved on his last performance. Mostly free of political grandstanding. Few surprises save Marion Cotillard's Best Actress victory. Too many film clip montages. And too many B- and C-list stars at the presenter's podium. The Rock? Jessica Alba?? Miley Cyrus???

Tanks a lot

It took a $100,000 movie to make my Oscar night.
The Irish charmer "Once" picked up its justly deserved Oscar for Best Original Song this evening. Singer/songwriter Glen Hansard and his "Once" co-star Marketa Irglova gave a lovely rendition of "Falling Slowly," one of the five nominees. And, of course, their acceptance speech was both gracious and heartfelt.

At least Hansard's speech was. Irglova got cut off as she approached the microphone, but the powers that be let her continue her speech after the commercial time-out.

Never saw an Oscar broadcast offer that kind of extension before, but Irglova responded with a sweet tribute to indie musicians everywhere. Class move, Oscar folks.

Update: Don't believe me about how great "Once" is? Take it from Kyle Smith, The New York Post's critic extraordinaire:

Now everyone: rent “Once.” It’s a thing of beauty. If it doesn’t make you cry, your tear ducts are not operational. (I initially gave it 3.5 stars ... because it’s such a little movie, but after seeing it three times, I am convinced that I significantly underrated it the first time around.)

(Photo: Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova star in the indie film "Once.")

Comic Book Busts: "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"

The last, and certainly least, in my Comic Book Busts series also could be Sean Connery's cinematic swan song. A double tragedy, indeed.

The 2003 dud "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" gets its inspiration from comic book maestro Alan Moore, but what appears on-screen could have been written by any Hollywood hack. The 19th century's great literary heroes (Tom Sawyer, Captain Nemo, etc.) band together to stop an evil mastermind bent on instigating war between European nations. Good premise, right? But Connery looks cranky here, and not in any character building way. He supposedly argued with the film's director, Stephen Norrington, during the shoot. Whoever won those arguments has a lot of explaining to do.

Connery's co-stars, including Shane West, are far from heroic, and the action set pieces are both stupifying and bland.

Connery insists he's retired now. He even turned down a role in the upcoming "Indiana Jones" sequel. He better jump back on a sound stage, and quick, before "The League of Extaordinary Gentlemen" becomes the bookend to a fine career.

Newman, Gleason and Scott, oh my

I have an odd relationship with classic films.
Movie reviewers should love ’em unconditionally, right?
But some golden oldies strike me as hopelessly dated. I can’t always buy into the critical boilerplate.
Intellectually, I understand why “Some Like it Hot” is a classic. But did I roll on the floor with laughter? Hardly.
And as heretical as it is to say, I’d take the pithy, low-scale charms of Steve Martin’s “Father of the Bride” over the original with Spencer Tracy.
Sacrilegious? Yup. Can’t help it.
But some classic films retain their potency. And how.
Take “The Hustler,” the 1961 film which established Paul Newman as a superstar.
Flat-out great. It’s dramatic pull remains as strong today as I imagine it was during its initial release.
Newman, as impossibly handsome as any Hollywood icon, plays a pool hustler who makes small-time money drifting from town to town. But he can’t hold onto his cash. His pool tricks pale in comparison with his ability to self-deconstruct. He finds redemption in the love of a troubled woman (Piper Laurie), but he's overmatched when he forms an alliance with a local gambler (George C. Scott).
All this drama doesn't even touch on Newman's duels with Minnesota Fats (the incomparable Jackie Gleason).

"The Hustler" only received two Oscars (Best Cinematography, Best Art Direction) despite a gaggle of nominations for its cast. "West Side Story" stole "The Hustler's" thunder that year.

Today's the perfect day to rent "The Hustler." It's everything an Oscar-worthy film should be, even if the voting didn't quite go its way more than four decades ago.

A 'Woman' scorned

Imagine the pitch -- it's a May-December romance with Michelle Pfeiffer and Paul Rudd, and the director did "Clueless" and "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."
Not good enough, apparently.
"I Could Never Be Your Woman" shot straight to video Feb. 12. Entertainment Weekly dug up the backstory regarding the film's sad trajectory.
But now the finished product is out for everyone to see, and audiences can judge for themselves.
I did just that for a piece published at Donne Tempo, a new online magazine for women. See what you think.
I've already talked about the film's final scene - it's not a spoiler, just an odd detail.
(Photo: Paul Rudd and Michelle Pfeiffer get to know each other in "I Could Never Be Your Woman")

Crystal ball time

"It's an honor just to be nominated - nah, just kidding."

I doubt we'll hear anyone speak so honestly tomorrow during the 80th annual Oscar telecast, which kicks off with the red carpet pre-show at 8 p.m. EST.

As for the main event, this is how I see it turning out.

Best Supporting Actress: Amy Ryan, "Gone Baby Gone." Great performance, and voters may want to send a message to director Ben Affleck that all is forgiven. Even "Gigli."

Best Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem, "No Country for Old Men." He earned the award just for sporting that ridiculous 'do. Oh, and his performance was the personification of evil. That helps.

Best Actress: Ellen Page, "Juno." I think there's tons of love out there for "Juno," and voters will show it in this category and for Best Original Screenplay (I bet Diablo Cody's speech will be a hoot).

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis, "There Will Be Blood." The best acting this year, and maybe the past two years as well. No questions asked. If George Clooney wins, they might as well shut down future ceremonies.

Best Picture: "No Country for Old Men." Great film. Dialogue sure to be repeated by audiences for years to come. Tension that every horror movie wishes it could equal. And it's a thank you note to the Coen brothers for a remarkable career.

Best Director: Joel and Ethan Coen, see above.

(Photo: Javier Bardem on the prowl in "No Country for Old Men")

Comic Book Busts: "Elektra"

I've done an informal survey, and apparently I'm the only person on planet Earth who liked 2003's "Daredevil."
So I didn't mind when the powers that be spun off that film's Elektra character into her own vehicle.
Well, I think the verdict on the subsequent film was unanimous.
"Elektra" let Jennifer Garner nearly derail her movie career, but at least she looked great doing it.
The film follows Elektra, a curvy assassin, as she strikes out against a criminal organization known as the Hand. The action sequences weren't eye-popping, which is a shame since the rest of the feature all but left me comatose.
Garner does the intense stare better than anyone, but someone should have whispered in her ear that she was playing a comic book hero, not a Shakespearean death scene.
But "Elektra" wasn't the most painful comic book film in recent memory. That honor goes to tomorrow's final installment of Comic Book Busts.

Wish I Wrote That: Lindsay steps in it

Consider this the kickoff to an occasional feature where I highlight great moments in snarky writing.
First up, the fine folks at Cinematical who weigh in on Lindsay Lohan's recent nude spread in New York magazine:

I'm not sure which step on the 12-step program includes nude photos for a prominent magazine, I'm sure it's probably toward the latter end.

A mixed 'Signal'

It's hard not to be stoked for "The Signal," one of the few recent horror movies a studio actually allowed critics to screen. That, plus the early buzz on the movie, perked my ears straight up.
The film's first 20 minutes lived up to the pre-billing, and then some.
Slowly but very surely, "The Signal" loses its way.
Box office figures may be light this weekend, but this one's gonna have a long shelf life. It's too bloody, too zany and too smart at times not to hit the midnight movie crowd right between the eyes.
My review in The Washington Times tells more.
(Photo: Mya (Anessa Ramsey) is dazed and contused in "The Signal" - photo courtesy of Magnolia Pictures)

Shooting blanks

We've been bombarded by the trailer for the new film, "Vantage Point," and for very good reason. It's electric, and it shows off its dazzling cast.

The finished product? Not so dazzling.

My review in The Washington Times tells the sad story. Box office should be strong for the film this weekend, but I hope word of mouth starts catching up to it by Sunday.

(Photo: Zoe Saldana plays a correspondent in the eye of the assassination storm in "Vantage Point")

Quick, sneak in some Bush bashing!

Got 98 percent through the direct-to-video feature "I Could Never Be Your Woman" when a nasty bit of Bush bashing bowled me over.
Young Saoirse Ronan, in the running for Best Supporting Actress this weekend for "Atonement," plays Michelle Pfeiffer's daughter in this older woman/younger man comedy.
Ronan's character takes the stage for a student talent show and starts strumming a song to the tune of Alanis Morissette's "Ironic."
"While the North Pole is turning to slush, on my TV there's President Bush," she sneers. "He's a pay-ay-ain in the whole world's ass. How can it be we voted him in? I just don't see how it figures."
Wow.
The crowd laughs and cheers the song, while Pfeiffer's character beams like a proud mama - in part due to her daughter's courage in going for a particularly high note and nailing it.
The moment comes so out of the blue I had to hit rewind to make sure I heard it all correctly.

Comic Book Busts: "Superman IV"

After two superlative "Superman" features, the franchise sputtered badly with 1983's "Superman III." But that was nothing compared to the Kryptonite-laced stinker to follow.
"Superman IV: The Quest for Peace" (1987) found the Man of Steel battling more than just Lex Luthor. Supe had to deal with a significantly smaller FX budget, which made us long for the days when Superman was shot lying down on his stomach and scenery unspooled behind him.
Even the film stock looked sickly.
The late, great Christopher Reeve took a story credit here, as Superman scoops up the world's nuclear weapons and hurls them into the sun. If he had zapped the brains of every last nuclear scientist to erase their memories, that actually might have done something concrete. Instead, the nuclear subplot just looked pathetic. But not as silly as the new supervillain, a hot-tempered beefcake named Nuclear Man (Mark Pillow) created by Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman).
My favorite scene features Luthor and his nephew (Jon Cryer, thrown in to appeal to the kiddie crowd) laboring in the Luther lab. The sequence looks like it was shot in a Sears Portrait Studio.
I'll always have the fondest memories of Reeve's Superman performances. And if you haven't seen his screen tests for the part, check out the extras on the "Superman" DVD.
But "Superman IV" should never have gone past the pre-production stage.
As The Washington Post's Desson Howe wrote upon its release - "nuclear winter seems more appealing than the prospect of "Superman V."

Miller & Me

And now, a self-serving message ...
I'll be appearing on "The Dennis Miller Show" tomorrow (Friday) to talk Oscars. The syndicated radio program can be heard in a town near you, or you can stream it live on the show's Web site (it airs from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. EST weekdays). I'll also offer some Oscar trivia during the segment - I'm scheduled for the second hour.
Miller loves movies, so it's always a blast to contribute to his show. If you've never heard the program before, give it a tumble, as Miller often says. It's funny and sharp, just like its affable host. And, of course, have your dictionary close at hand. The arcane references come at you pretty fast.

Comic Book Busts: "Batman & Robin"

"Batman & Robin" is exhibit A for a franchise gone sour.

George Clooney, back when he thought acting meant dipping his head down slightly and wagging it back and forth, tugged on the silliest Bat-suit of the four movies. But Clooney's presence amounts to just one of many cinematic sins.

"B&R" jammed two villains onto the screen, a lesson the recent "Spider-Man 3" didn't heed. Uma Thurman used her sexuality to create an embarrassment-free bubble, but Arnold Schwarzenegger wasn't so lucky. Saddled with a Tonka Toy costume and dialogue unfit for an Archies comic, he was defeated long before Batman arrived on the scene.

The franchise was shut down after this debacle, and it took Christopher Nolan's industrious reboot, "Batman Begins," to bring Bruce Wayne back to life.

X-casting

The Web's been abuzz over the latest casting news regarding "X-Men Origins: Wolverine."

Now, Twentieth Century Fox makes it official:

Ryan Reynolds is Deadpool ... Liev Schreiber will play Victor Creed ... Danny Huston is on board as Col. William Stryker ... Lynn Collins (who??) serves as love interest Kayla Silverfox ... Taylor Kitsch ("Friday Night Lights") is Gambit ... and will.i.am will appear as Wraith.

"X-Men Origins: Wolverine" will be directed by Gavin Hood, who won an Oscar for "Tsotsi" but stumbled badly with his follow-up, "Rendition."

"Wolverine" is expected in theaters in spring 2009.

(Photo: Hugh Jackman smokes 'em while he's got 'em in "X-Men: The Last Stand")

Hear all about it

Got Oscar fever?
Check out Sirius Satellite Radio this week for a bevy of Academy Award-friendly broadcasts.
Among the highlights:

• Sirius' Variety Radio Academy Awards Coverage - Channel 150: 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. EST today through Friday. The Variety team includes Peter Bart, Variety's Editor-in-Chief, Tim Gray, Variety's Editor and Todd McCarthy, Variety's Chief Film Critic.
• Come Oscar Sunday, all-day coverage via Variety Radio News. Hourly reports with instant winner updates.
• Post-Oscar hangover: Analysis of the show and its winners at Variety News Radio (150).

For more information on Sirius' Oscar coverage, visit www.sirius.com/oscars

Check in to 'Vacancy'

My free movie channel package finally paid off last night.
Signing up for DirecTV gave me three months of HBO/Showtime/Starz/Etc. gratis until the end of February.
So far ... feh. I've seen most of the newer films on the channels, and these outlets would rather show "RV" 'round the clock than any film classics.
We need TCM to go high-def - stat.
But I caught "Vacancy" on Starz HD last night, and it was everything a cable movie watching experience should be.
"Vacancy" isn't "Psycho." It's merely a taut, utterly unambitious thriller. What more could you want from cable?
The film stars Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale as a bickering couple taking one last road trip before signing their divorce papers. Their infighting isn't at the nuclear level, but it's credible and immediately invests us in their future.
That matters since car trouble forces them to spend the night in a sketchy hotel. How sketchy? We're talking cockroaches, a bathroom faucet which spits out brown water and decor which makes the '70s look like the pinnacle of interior design.
And it's about to get worse.
The hotel's operators use the facility as a snuff film studio, and Wilson and Beckinsale's characters are the next "stars."
What follows is tense, often believable and never dull. It's not perfect -- the plot holes become craters as the action intensifies.
But if you want a competent thriller that doesn't rely on bloody close-ups, "Vacancy" is the perfect vehicle.
(Photo: Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale huddle together in "Vacancy")

Comic Book Busts: "Hulk"

Let's kick of my Top 5 Comic Book Busts with the granddaddy of them all, "Hulk."

Rare is the comic feature with a better pedigree, but the project was doomed from the drawing board.

Director Ang Lee used traditional comic book frames to spice his compositions, but nothing could save this dour, drab mess.

Eric Bana stars, or rather snores, as our addled hero, Bruce Banner. His alter ego is a CGI disaster, a monster who isn't convincingly real for a moment. The technology just wasn't ready for this assignment back in 2003, and boy, does it show. The upcoming Hulk reboot must do a better job of blending the big green guy with his surroundings.

"Hulk's" final battle, involving a deranged Nick Nolte, merely puts an exclamation point on this four-color mess.

I haven't even touched upon the utter waste of Jennifer Connelly as a weepy Betty Ross, or a ridiculous sequence involving gamma-radiated dogs.

Hulk mad. Audiences madder.

A job half done

My job would be much easier if I could retype the same paragraph into all my recent reviews: The film's promising setup soon gives way to a derivative second half.

Hollywood scribes are getting better at concocting clever premises for their projects.

Cases in point - "Jumper" - Young man has the power to teleport, but when he finishes criss-crossing the globe learns an assassin is out for his blood.

Or, the recent vampire movie "30 Days of Night" -- Vampires flock to a small Alaskan town where night reigns supreme for a full month.

Two nifty concepts... but ultimately both crumble long before the conclusion.

"30 Days," which hits DVD shelves next Tuesday (Feb. 26), is a far better film than "Jumper." But it still can't live up to its own prologue.

C'mon, Hollywood, finish what you started.

(Photo: Danny Huston leads a vampire army feasting on Alaskan citizens in "30 Days of Night.")