New on DVD - 5/13

Forget what made those "Indiana Jones" movies so special in the first place? The folks at Paramount jump on next week's release of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" by re-releasing the first three "Indy" features today. Or, wait six months when they repackage the trilogy once more with the new "Indy" in the fold.

Check out the box set review at Donne Tempo. I tackled "The Last Crusade," to my eyes the weakest of the trilogy.

This week's releases also includes "The Great Debaters," starring and directed by Denzel Washington. Watch if for no other reason than to see three rising stars - Nate Parker, Jurnee Smollett and Denzel Whitaker.

A 'Visitor' worth welcoming

Imagine the studio movie pitch: an uptight white professor meets a Middle Eastern drummer who teaches said stiff about life - and himself.

Good thing "The Visitor" worked within the independent film world, where obvious humor and paint-by-number epiphanies are blissfully rare.

I took in a Q&A forum recently from the star and director of "The Visitor," but check out my review over at Donne Tempo.

(Photo: Richard Jenkins and Hiam Abbass share a guffaw during "The Visitor")

Coens set to 'Burn'

The Coen brothers bring out the best in George Clooney.

The Oscar winner looked more at ease during "Intolerable Cruelty" and "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" than in most movies before or since. And we don't get any of Clooney's cultural posturing as in the vastly overrated "Good Night, and Good Luck."

So it's good to see Clooney back in the Coens' fold for "Burn After Reading," a new dark comedy coming out way this fall.

Here's an early snapshot from the movie which co-stars Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton, John Malkovich, Richard Jenkins and Frances McDormand. Let Focus Features describe the Cone brothers' latest cinematic work: An ousted CIA official’s (Malkovich) memoir accidentally falls into the hands of two unwise gym employees intent on exploiting their find.

(Photo: George Clooney and Frances McDormand star in Joel and Ethan Coen's dark spy-comedy "Burn After Reading," a Focus Features release.)

'P.S.' - return to sender

Hillary Swank owns two Oscars, but she's a stranger in a strange land in the new-to-DVD rom-com "P.S. I Love You."

How can such a talented actress look so lost while swooning over "300's" Gerard Butler? The mystery eludes me, but the film takes a winning premise and saps all the romance right out of it.

My review over at Donne Tempo shares the ugly truth behind this overstuffed turkey.

(Photo: Hilary Swank reads one of her dead husband's letters, while his apparition looks on, during "P.S. I Love You")

'Iron' grip on first place

"Iron Man" once belonged to the second tier of the Marvel Universe. Fans knew 'em well, but John Public was far more familiar with Spidey and The Hulk.

That's changed, big time.

"Iron Man" brought in $50.5 million this weekend to remain at the top of the charts, according to Box Office Mojo. "Speed Racer" came in second with $20.2 million, while "What Happens in Vegas" slid into third with a flat $20 million.

These numbers could change a bit as the final weekend figures get crunched, so "Speed" could end up in third when the smoke settles.

Worst Modern Rom-Coms - "40 Days and 40 Nights"

It must be torture for someone who looks like Josh Hartnett to forgo sex of any kind for 40 days. For 95 percent of the population - not so challenging.

That anemic setup sparks "40 Days and 40 Nights," an abstinence rom-com which makes you feel dirty even if no one's actually "doing it."

Hartnett remains an unlikely box office attraction - handsome but hopelessly bland, and this early role didn't do anything to change that description. His character takes the sex-free vow for Lent, then moments later meets the girl who could be The One (Shannyn Sossamon).

Of course, if Hartnett explained his predicament right away, we wouldn't have a movie. And what's wrong with that?

Final note: A few other recent rom-coms could have made this list, like "Fool's Gold." But I managed to duck that one and have no intention of (willingly) seeing it.

'Speed Racer' not going ... not one bit

Summer has its first box office dud.

"Speed Racer" is expected to make, if it's lucky, $20 million in its opening weekend, according to Nikki Finke's invaluable site.

That's chump change for a summer movie, and it'll only get worse when the new "Narnia" film hits theaters on Friday. So what went wrong? Geez, I'm not sure. I found "Speed Racer" chock full of imagination, even if it went waaaay too long for a movie of its ilk. I don't blame the mostly bad reviews - these event pictures are typically critic proof. The property appealed to baby boomers, but the presentation was squarely targeting kiddies.

"Alvin and the Chipmunks" faced the same problem, but the furry creatures themselves proved too irresistible a draw for the kiddie set.

(Photo: "Speed Racer" features more colors than a kaleidoscope, but it wasn't enough to lure movie fans into theaters this weekend)

Worst Modern Rom-Coms - 'A Lot Like Love'

Someone, someday is going to write a terrific movie for the lovely Amanda Peet. "A Lot Like Love" sure wasn't it.

This alleged romance stars Peet and Ashton Kutcher as two single people who keep "meeting cute" over a series of years but somehow never actually date one another. Or something like that. My movie memory is pretty solid, but I've subconsciously blocked out much of "Love." Some of my more stubborn brain cells recall two items of note. In one scene, Peet and Kutcher spit water at each other while seated at a nice restaurant table. And their banter throughout the film made me want to scoop out my ear drums with the nearest blunt object.

I guess "A Lot Like Torture" got voted down by the marketing gurus. So much for truth in advertising.

'Vegas' doubles down

The Best Friend character is crucial to any self-respecting rom-com. He/she is the guy/gal our leads need to figure out they're really in love.

In "What Happens in Vegas," the Best Friends do something more - they save the movie from certain disaster.

"Vegas" stars Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz as a couple who meet, get drunk and find themselves hitched after one bleary-eyed night in Sin City. Before they agree to an annulment, they hit the jackpot - $3 million bucks courtesy of a slot machine.

But when they try to get legally split, a persnickety judge (Dennis Miller) forces them to live as man and wife for six months. Why? Because the judge is sick of these quickie marriages, and a film like this needs an extra layer of gimmickry to exist.

So our pretty leads do their best "War of the Roses" impersonation so that the other will bow out of the marriage first - and give up rights to the three mil.

Diaz and Kutcher create a laugh-free zone in this decidedly unpleasant rom-com, but their best pals serve up plenty of laughs. Rob Corddry, so painful in the new "Harold & Kumar" feature, is a hoot as Kutcher's best bud. And Diaz's faithful friend, Lake Bell, is nearly as good. Their behind-the-scenes machinations give "What Happens in Vegas" some sinfully funny moments. Stick around through the credits to get a visual definition of the phrase "junk punch."

Other bit players also distract us from this unsavory mess. Miller's character delivers a moment of zen in this otherwise frantic comedy. Miller's judge hands down a dollop of sanity - and the radio host simultaneously serves up some terrific line readings.

"What Happens in Vegas" is saved from rom-com infamy thanks to the actors who don't appear on the poster.

(Photo: I can't even say where Kutcher's hand has been in this scene from "What Happens in Vegas")

Vroom with a view

The Wachowski brothers, the minds behind the new blockbuster wannabe "Speed Racer," clearly hold an ambivalent approach to gravity.

First, they made Neo in "The Matrix" defy the laws of physics. Now, they've delivered a CGI tribute to a '60s animated series which treats science with similar disdain.

My review in The Washington Times details just how detached from the real word "Racer" is. That doesn't mean it's not alternately enjoyable and wickedly clever. But props go to Pops Racer (John Goodman) for making it all more palatable. Good to see John Goodman back in action. A while back he was in full Michael Caine mode, popping up in virtually every other movie. I wouldn't mind seeing that again.

(Photo: Christina Ricci, Susan Sarandon, John Goodman and Kick Gurry gather in "Speed Racer")

Haiku Movie Reviews 5/9/08

What Happens in Vegas

Drunken marriage vows
Ashton punk'd by fate, Diaz
Wedded bliss denied

Speed Racer

Go, Speed Racer go
Cars defy physics, logic
What a woozy ride

An 'Indy' twofer

Dare we believe the first (negative) review of the new "Indiana Jones" sequel?

Until more reviews trickle in, enjoy two more pics from the upcoming "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" coming to a theater new year May 22.

(Photo: Cate Blanchett captures our intrepid hero, above, while Indy gets his whip on below - photo credit David James)

Worst Modern Rom-Coms: ''P.S. I Love You"

I knew Gerard Butler would be a star when I saw him elevate the "Tomb Raider" sequel from unwatchable to mildly interesting.

That's talent.

But he's hopelessly outmatched in "P.S. I Love You," just released on DVD. The film stars Hilary "I have no business being in a rom-com" Swank as a recent widow whose mourning is alleviated by letters sent from her deceased beau (Butler). Before the poor fella kicked, he wrote a series of letters to be sent to Swank's character over the coming year to comfort her while she grieves.

Great premise. God-awful execution. Swank's performance should be the template for what a rom-com heroine shouldn't behave like. And poor Harry Connick Jr. pops up as a potential love interest spouting some of the world's worst movie dialogue.

'That '70s' effect

I didn't watch so much as five minutes of Fox's "That '70s Show" during its protracted run. Every commercial I ever saw for it made me taste bile, to put it kindly. And I'd like to pretend the 70s didn't exist, fashion-wise, in the first place.

But the show's breakout stars, Topher Grace and Ashton Kutcher, have been having a hard time transitioning to big-screen roles.

Grace's unexceptional box office tallies for "In Good Company," "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" and "P.S." have stalled his chances at film stardom. (Starring in "Spider-Man 3" was a push -- no one actor would drag that film up or down)

As for Kutcher, well, he tries yet again this weekend in "What Happens in Vegas," a new rom-com co-starring Cameron Diaz. The actor's "Guess Who," "The Guardian" and "A Lot Like Love" all underperformed at the box office, so teaming with the dazzling Diaz makes sense. And they sure look good together.

But while Grace can be an enigmatic presence in films, Kutcher still looks like an over sized kid to me. Just don't buy him as an adult, and his choice in projects makes me feel like he's punking himself. And it has nothing to do with his cougar courtship of Demi Moore.

Worst Modern Rom-Coms: 'Hitch'

Will Smith can do no wrong - it's one of the few maxims that holds true in Hollywood. Right? There's a big ol' "Hitch" in that theory. Smith went the rom-com route three years ago with disastrous results.

"Hitch" stars Smith as a dating fixer, the guy you hire when even your best moves won't woo the ladies. Naturally, he hooks up with a sad sack (Kevin James, who steals the few valuable scenes in the film) who's trying to date a supermodel beauty (Amber Valletta).

We're groaning already, and that's before the painful romance blooms between Hitch and a gossip columnist (Eva Mendes, who's never been less ingratiating).

Like "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days," the scenarios put forth here are so labored, so painfully contrived there's nothing for the audience to applaud. Not even Smith's turn as the ultimate date doctor. That's movie magic in reverse.

'Do you feel lucky, young whippersnapper?'

Rambo's back. Indy, too. So why not Dirty Harry?

The Daily News is reporting, citing a story in The Sun, that Clint Eastwood will portray Dirty Harry Callahan one more time.

Insert Geritol crack here.

I'm sure there's a method to Eastwood's seemingly mad plan. He's in his late 70s now, and hardly game for a rough and tumble actioner. But Eastwood's recent films have transformed the actor's vigilante heroes into introspective types who regret their violent methods. If Dirty Harry returns, I'm betting he's doing so to make up for past sins.

Worst Modern Rom-Coms: "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days"

How can two beautiful people make a movie as lousy as "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?"

It's a question I still have no answer for, but the movie remains my go-to choice for worst romantic comedy in ages. It's the template against which all other rotten rom-coms should be measured.

Kate Hudson stars as a woman who, on a magazine assignment, decides to woo and dump a guy within 10 days. As movie contrivance would have it, the guy she picks is played by Matthew McConaughey, who is laboring under a separate bet that he can make any woman fall in love with him in - wait for it - 10 days.

Hate when that happens. Of course, nothing like that ever happens, one of many reasons why this movie fails on every level possible.

I used to defend McConaughey to friends and in print, but this one severed our ties permanently, Rev. Wright style. As for Hudson, suffice to say I'd rather see a 60-something Goldie Hawn woo McConaughey then suffer through one more of her rom-com performances.

Lohan wises up

Score one, a rare one, for Lindsay Lohan.

The "Mean Girls" star will pop up in the season finale of ABC's "Ugly Betty."

Hardly a career renaissance, but a step in the right direction. Even Britney Spears got good press for her appearance on "How I Met Your Mother." Show your chops to Middle America and juicier roles may follow. America loves to tear its actors to pieces, but we're just as enamored with comeback stories.

And it's far smarter than playing the strumpet card in a new movie.

(Photo: Lindsay Lohan takes it almost all off in the box office clunker "I Know Who Killed Me")

Love stinks

How hard can it be to make a good romantic comedy? Hire two beautiful leads, give them a quirky but identifiable situation, break them up at the two-thirds mark and then unite them in the most romantic way possible before the credits role.

Heck, "The Love Boat" did just that every week for years.

So why do we get so many lousy rom-coms? I'm compiling a list of the five worst modern rom-coms to coincide with this week's release of "What Happens in Vegas" starring Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz (it won't make the list). Think 1990s and up just to keep the candidate pool reasonable. Sorry, "Two of a Kind."

Any suggestions, let 'er rip. I've already got plenty of chemistry-free rom-coms to choose from.

Movie cliche alert!

Sometimes it feels like your average Hollywood movie could film itself. Just trot out the usual gaggle of cliches and yell "action!"

Just got back from a screening of "What Happens in Vegas," and two cliches leaped out at me. The movie opens with a sweeping shot of the New York City skyline ... how many movies begin with that kind of generic shot (just plug in whatever city serves as the film's backdrop)?

Later, we're treated to a scene in which the stars lead an entire bar in song. Maybe you hang out in better bars than I do, but I've never seen bar dwellers act in unison to sing, dance, revolt -- anything.

Got any other movie cliches you wish would go the way of Pauly Shore's career? Let me know.

King Kirby?

Growing up, I wanted nothing more than to become a comic book illustrator - that is, once my fling with puppetry ran its course.

I'd marvel at the superhero artists of the day and wish my own sketches could be so dynamic, so full of life. The one illustrator I never wanted to emulate was Jack Kirby, an icon in comic circles and Stan Lee's former tag-team partner.

I understood the legend. I just didn't like his artistry. Too blocky, too stylized for my tastes. Was a realist then and I remain so today. That may be why I write, not draw, for a living. So it's interesting to read tributes like this at CNN which refer to Kirby in such glowing terms. Kirby brought the original "Iron Man" comics to life as well as countless other Marvel heroes.

I may have to thumb through my yellowing comic book collection to see his work anew.

'Sex' and the rumor mill

They can't kill Mr. Big, can they?

We're used to fanboy hype surrounding the latest superhero project, but it's rare to hear such uninformed speculation about a chick flick like "Sex and the City."

Rumors are swirling that a key member from the HBO series dies in the "Sex" movie, coming our way May 30. CNN talks to the film's director who puts the kibosh on such talk. And I believe him. The great HBO show ended on a perfunctory note with every possible loose end tied up in pretty bows. The "Sex" brand remains strong, and there's still money to be made in the show's reruns - not to mention "Sex and the City 2: More Sex, Less City."

(Photo: Carrie Bradshaw - played by Sarah Jessica Parker - turns heads in "Sex and the City"/Craig Blankenhorn-New Line Cinema)

Just calm down, Edward

If you believe Edward Norton's press clippings he's as challenging to work with as he is brilliant. Then again, his bad-to-good movie ratio is better than many of his peers, so maybe his "difficult" tag yields a better product.

Hope that's the case with "The Incredible Hulk," opening June 13. Here's two more pix from the upcoming movie.

A quick aside - I interviewed Norton a few years back in Baltimore. I had to wait FOR-ever for the interview to happen, and it almost didn't because he didn't want me to ask any questions about his girlfriend at the time, Salma Hayek. (The only question I might have thrown his way was, 'can you give me your secret?')

Once I agreed romantic questions were off the table, he was good to chat. And tall, too. Didn't expect that.

(Photo: Edward Norton feels stressed in the upcoming summer movie "The Incredible Hulk.")

The perfect film opening

Is there a better 10 minutes of popcorn cinema than the opening sequence of "Raiders of the Lost Ark?

Got the "Indy" trilogy in the mail last week and I haven't had time yet to watch all three with fresh - read 'grown up' - eyes. But I couldn't wait, so I popped in "Raiders" just to see if that opening sequence holds up.

Oh, yeah.

If "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" has but one scene that good, I'll be a happy camper.

(Photo: "Raiders of the Lost Ark" casts a long shadow over the upcoming "Indiana Jones" sequel)

DVD haikus 5/6/08

P.S. I Love You

Death takes Swank's young beau
Letters from the grave ease pain
No such balm for us

Teeth

Choppers down below
Damage heroine's love life
Satire is all gums

I'm Tom Hanks and I approved this message ...

I realized late in the game just how good an actor Tom Hanks really is. I needed "Cast Away" to open my eyes - which perhaps doesn't speak well of my ability to spot major talent.

So I'm not sure what to think of Hanks' latest development - a self-produced short in which he announces his endorsement of Sen. Barack Obama for president.

Why is Hanks publicly endorsing anyone? What poly-sci chops does he bring to the table? He's been the consummate actor and has done yeoman work supporting World War II causes both on and off screen. But why would any actor go to the trouble of publicly endorsing anyone? And this goes for Chuck Norris, who aggressively supported Gov. Mike Huckabee a few months back.

It all seems ... odd. Possibly inappropriate, too. I don't think it serves an actor well to thrust his or her politics onto the movie-going public. Frankly, I wish I could watch Sean Penn's next 20 movies without knowing in the back of my mind what a dictator-lovin' fool he is in his private life. He's too good an actor to have such thoughts swirling in the audiences' minds. He does a disservice to himself.

Hanks isn't that destructive with his endorsement. Sidling up to Sen. Obama doesn't say anything radical about him, and Hanks is too smart, I bet, to ever pull of the kinds of stunts Penn routinely does.

But I think his public endorsement is a mistake. Agree? Disagree?

Update: The New York Post's Kyle Smith weighs in on the matter.

'Iron?' No, more like titanium

So I was off by a mere $30 million on "Iron Man." Close enough, right?

This weekend's release of Robert Downey, Jr.'s "Iron Man" is estimated to make $100 million, a huge amount for a second-tier superhero played by an actor better known for his addictions than his b.o. clout.

Can't even fathom the kind of numbers "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" will make later this month.

(Photo: Are you talkin' to me, punk? "Iron Man" stares down the competition)

Tailor 'Made' for Dempsey

The new rom-com "Made of Honor" clearly exists to transfer Patrick "McDreamy" Dempsey from the small to the big screen.

Mission partially accomplished, but I found co-star, Michelle Monaghan, far worthier of movie star status.

Check out my review at Donne Tempo for the skinny.

(Photo: Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan click in "Made of Honor")

Summer's here (at your local theater)

It's snowed yesterday in Denver, and Minneapolis recently endured some springtime flakes.

But today's debut of "Iron Man" means the Summer Movie Season is underway.

Check out my preview in today's Washington Times. I chatted with Jeff Bridges, who co-stars in "Iron Man," for the article. Should have a second feature based on our interview coming soon - I'll link to it asap.

I'm betting "Iron Man" brings in $70 million this weekend -- but will "Speed Racer" cut into its action next weekend?

(Photo: Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway make a mad dash for box office glory in the upcoming "Get Smart")

"The Incredible Hulk" - Before and after

In case you were wondering what the Hulk will be fighting in the June 13 feature, look no further ...

(Photo: "The Incredible Hulk's" Tim Roth at the start of his transformation into Abomination, and, of course, after)

A 'Visitor' Among Us: Part II

Director Tom McCarthy can be a real cut-up in person. So it's fascinating to hear the quiet, character-driven humor that permeates his two films - "The Station Agent" and the just-released "The Visitor." McCarthy shared some background on "The Visitor" during his recent visit to Denver.

He started writing his latest film after visiting a detention center where illegal immigrants stay while awaiting deportation. "As soon as I walked out I wrote a couple of pages of notes," McCarthy said.

Those visits hit him hard, as they would anyone else who dropped by, he contends.

"It will immediately change your perspective on the issue," he said. True enough, though the film's only heavy-handed moments come with how McCarthy crafts the scenes of the detention centers - and the people who work in these facilities.

Still, "The Visitor" remains a terrific character study that affords a longtime character actor, Richard Jenkins, the chance to play the lead, finally.

"I err on the side of not having a plot," he says of his storytelling. "I gently lead the audience in a way that feels organic and natural." His self-deprecation may be genuine, but it doesn't jibe with the finished product. "The Visitor's" story arc is profoundly moving, and each of the characters evolves in ways that will surely affect the audience. It just doesn't lend itself to a one-sentence description that might move a studio executive.

That didn't stop the film from getting made. The screenplay may have taken two years to complete, but McCarthy says securing the funds to make the film was "ridiculously easy."

"They had a little more faith in me as a storyteller [after "The Station Agent"]," he says.

Funding for his next project could come even easier if the indie studio reps screen "The Visitor."

(Photo: Tom McCarthy, the writer/director of the new drama "The Visitor")

The 'Iron Man' cometh

The only question that matters to movie fans today is, "Is 'Iron Man' as good as the original 'Spider-Man,' 'Batman' or 'Superman?'"

No, but it's close enough to launch a new comic book franchise all the same.

My Washington Times review toasts Robert Downey, Jr.'s performance as the self-made man of steel as well as the film's sober treatment of the subject matter. "Iron Man 2" will bring more action, or at least it better, but for now let's enjoy a comic book adaptation that nails the essential elements. You will believe a man can fly - courtesy of a red and gold tin suit.

(Photo: Robert Downey, Jr. tests out a new weapon in the superhero adaptation "Iron Man")

Movie haikus 5/2/08

Iron Man

Downey dons steel suit
Smites villains, his own bad rep
A hero is born

Made of Honor

Platonic no more
Dempsey stalls best friend's wedding
Repeat rom-com clicks

Nice to meet you, Mr. ... Hulk?

Here's another peek at the upcoming superhero film "The Incredible Hulk." Here, Tim Roth stares down the big green guy.

Roth, a fine actor most recently seen in "Funny Games," will morph at some point in the picture into the Abomination, a Hulk-sized villain.

You must be joking

Hollywood, hardly a bastion of self-restraint, has been timid to the extreme regarding the treatment of Muslims since 9/11.

I'm one of many voices stunned by the lack of Islamic terrorist-themed adventures shot since those horrific attacks. Filmmakers have rallied to make movies about the Iraq war and the War on Terror, but the vast majority of them were designed to criticize the American response to 9/11, not Muslims.

Nothing wrong with that on paper, but it certainly opens Hollywood up to criticism from fair-minded audiences about why it's ignoring the most savage enemy since the Nazis - radical Muslim terrorists.

But that isn't good enough for Jack Shaheen. The media critic and former professor has a new book out, called "Guilty -- Hollywood's Verdict on Arabs after 9/11," that says TV and films have gone out of their way to reinforce negative stereotypes about Arabs.

Nonsense.

Shaheen calls out "The Kingdom," for instance, ignoring the fact that the most heroic character in the movie is an Arab.

Given 9/11 and the near daily news accounts of fanatical Muslims slaughtering innocents it's a miracle Muslims haven't become the go-to villain in a crush of movies and TV projects.

And here's where Shaheen gulps down a whole bunch of far-left Kool-Aid - from the Reuters piece:

Hollywood's depiction of Arabs has eased the path for U.S. administration policy, he argues. Decades of portraying Arabs and Muslims as the enemy "made it that much easier for us to go into Iraq", he said. "There were very few people protesting.

Did he miss the mass protests both in the U.S. and across the globe pre-Iraq war? Maybe his television short-circuited, his reading glasses broke and his radio's batteries went dead all at the same time. Hate when that happens.

Hollywood films have done all they can to convince audiences we should reverse course in Iraq, water down our War on Terror tactics and flush out the current administration. Yet Shaheen insists the opposite. As Davy Jones would say on every other episode of "The Monkees" --- "you must be joking."

(Photo: "The Kingdom" earns a media critic's rage for depicting Muslims in a less than flattering light)