Open up and say ... ewwww!

I'd rather get root canal by Laurence Olivier than suffer through the indie thriller "Teeth" again.

The new film, just released in Denver but coming to a city near you soon, involves a young woman whose most intimate of areas is crowned by a set of jagged teeth.

Still with me?

Now, "Teeth" could have been a satire of our uptight sexual culture, and it is for fleeting moments. Or, the film might have examined sexual empowerment - which it does, oh so briefly.

Instead, it's a mess that tries to do too many things and fails on all levels.

And boy is it graphic. I've sat through the best of the torture porn swill, but this film's bloodletting made me queasy.

Maybe it's a guy thing. Audiences can just imagine what kind of damage our heroine does to those who cross her path.

The biggest shame is that actress Jess Weixler is terrific in the lead role. She's lovely, conflicted and horrified, all in convincing shades, but her character is such a mess there's no anchor for her otherwise sound performance.

If you must, see "Teeth" on an empty stomach.

(Photo: Jess Weixler flinches at the horror that is "Teeth")